This year, my boys and I did the holidays
My husband is deployed.
For the third time.
Usually, I just go straight through Christmas as if he was here.
I take tons of pictures.
But those Christmas' were about 9 month into a deployment,
where I was fully functional and use to be being by myself.
But this deployment is different.
He has not even been gone a month.
Im still finding my "footing".
Its Isaacs first Christmas,
And it sucks.
I didnt decorate.
I didnt bake.
And this shutter bug left the camera in the drawer.
Now dont get me wrong, I had fantastic friends who invited me to their homes.
Which I appreciated.
(and I went)
But Im sure they could tell I really wasnt in a great mood.
I didnt mean to seem so down and well, weird.
But my husband is gone and theirs is still here.
Im not jelous, I am happy for them, that they had their husband home to spend Christmas with.
Their children had their daddies there to put together their toys.
But we didnt.
It feels weird to spend time with friends and their husbands.
Almost the third wheel feeling, with the addition of my three little wheels.
I dont know.
It just feels weird.